Today in the morning my hurt was broken...In the middle of my dream I heard Ita cries...I woke up,( by the way I hate to wake up early especially when I still have some time to sleep and someone is waking me up crying).
I was angry about him and after a warning smacked him. He was crying in any case because he wanted to change his trousers, but Yu told me that last night he said that he loves Mami Ayi and Sister when she asked him about Dadi he said that I am HUI DAN- means bad.
She asked why and than he said illustrating with his fingers that : a) I use computer all the time b) I pray all the time c) I don't play with him d) I beat him.
I turned my had around put it in the pillow and almost cried.
He relay broke my hurt and from the right reason. I don't give enough attention to my children. And the real sad thing that I am not doing it for the wrong reasons, I am waisting my time doing bullshit.
For example for years I used to spend hours reading Haaretz newspapers on line every day.
This precious time had to be spent on my children , but this time is wasted for ever, and it hurts me so much.
Actually it was even worse, With Nami in the first years of her life I almost didn't give any attention to her, in recent years I changed allot and now I am giving much more attention to Nami and Ita, but it is still far from enough.