Since the first time, (almost ), I saw Y I knew that this was it- from her side and from mine.
Very hard to explain how she came to my life so instantly, after a day or two she already came with bicycle , shorts and blue sandals, she lied in my bed and farted! I couldn't believe it! How did she dare??
I am so amazed how it happened so quickly , after a month Y already tried to get pregnant I can't really understand why....Did she tried to run from something when she found me? Was it me and was it the shadow behind her....
From my side of course it is not a question , As I wrote before I can't even imagine how is it to live with out her and I can't even think how I lived with her before we were together.
I am not so sure how it is possible but my love ,( actually maybe love is not right word - connection might be more accurate), is so strong for her.
There is nothing in my life that is coming close to how much it is ...It hurts but it is true.
Still I always have a feeling that although she loves me so much,( probably even more than I love her), she is living in a feeling that she is missing something.
That "Life is in another place".
She is in a kind of Limbo: from one hand she loves and jealous and connected and can't live with out me but from the other hand she is yearning for a life that she believes are waiting for her somewhere with someone else. A perfect life without any comprises like she has to face with me.
And I am with her in this situation....So one day is good and the next again troubling and one day we stay forever and the next" lets divorce tomorrow" ...
No understating not the same targets in life , not the same values ,not the same habits and even not the same language!
Probably her English wont be good enough and my Chinese wont be good enough even be able to communicate reasonably!
We are so different, nothing almost the same, and we are so together.
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